Sunday, July 31, 2005

Me Part 4

71. I can't whistle
72. I love thunder storms
73. I say thunder is the angels moving the furniture for a party
74. Sometimes I wish I wasn't strictly dicktly so I could move to lesboland (omg did I say that?) lol
75. I write "Domestic Goddess" on official forms as my occupation
76. Share trading drives me nuts
77. I barrack for the Essendon Bombers (Aussie Rules)
78. I broke my wrist on an escalator when I was 13
79. I love sipping a glass of wine, listening to classical music while I have a bath (candlelit of course) lol
80. I don't know all the words to our National Anthem
81. I'm an only child
82. I love vanilla and jasmine oils
83. I use jasmine scented hemp seed oil moisturiser
84. I have a left-sided thing ... always lounge on my left side, sleep on my left, carry my bag on my left shoulder, etc
85. I once had my aura photographed and interpretted. It was pretty spot on.
86. I've kept all my kids' baby teeth
87. There was a time when I was on MSN around 16 hours a day
88. These days I'm lucky if I remember to sign in
89. When I was little, I wanted to be an astronaut

90. I have mild claustrophobia (which moves up a notch to moderate in planes and severe if I'm stuck in the middle of the middle aisle)
91. I love Indian food
92. And potatoes ... in any way, shape or form
93. When I was 18 I went to a party, got smashed on tequila slammers and passed out under a chair, all by 9.30pm
94. To this day I cannot even look at Tequila without feeling queazy
95. I've climbed the Dom Tower (in the NL) and felt like I was gonna die
96. I believe I've seen a few ghosts
97. I believe in never having a spa without champers (several bottles) and strawberries and staying in till I look like a prune
98. I've had my gallbladder removed (freakin agony I tells ya)
99. I need a new computer (but transferring all my programs and finding the cracks again overwhelms me)

.......andddddddddddd *drumroll*

100. I collect Swarovski crystal

taadaaaaaaaaa!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Sheesh

I'm really struggling with the last part of the 'me' series. I've got it saved as a draft and add to it when I think of something. I'm up to 89 I think. I know you're all waiting with baited breath hehe ... cya next year lol. In the meantime, check this out ... freaky.


Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I just read a post by Edge (found through Muse and Fly). I didn't comment. I just couldn't. I can barely see the screen through the tears at the moment. I'm trying to cry quietly because 'the teenager' has the day off, but the sobs are wracking my body.

Yes, it hurts like hell and no, some things will never have closure.

And now I have to go. I shouldn't even be online at the moment. Now I have to repair my makeup and pretend everything's ok.

Me Part 3

51. I have a real thing for kookaburras. I can sit and watch and listen to them all day.
52. I get migraines
53. I drive the kiddo to school in my pj's a lot of the time (and pray I don't break down) lol.
54. I know every single word of the Bat Out Of Hell Album
55. When I'm drunk I belt out every song at the top my lungs using a hairbrush or wooden spoon as my mic
56. My kids' friends think I'm cool lol
57. I love browsing through antique and second-hand shops
58. I like long drives (as long as someone else is driving)
59. I make a lot of "creations" in the kitchen
60. Most of the time I forget how I did them (specially if it turns out to be popular) lol
61. I wish my heart didn't rule my head as much as it does
62. What you see is what you get, I can't be bothered with games
63. I only have breakfast when I'm on holidays
64. Apparently I have a 'look' that tells men to stay away from me, which suits me fine but one of my g/friends won't go out with me because of it hehe (hell Mush, you may not be interested but I am damnit! lol)
65. I'm addicted to Sims 2
66. My gut instinct is usually right even if I can't quite work out why something is as it is
67. I have itchy feet and defnitely want to travel more
68. A lot of my school reports said "she has so much potential, if only she put more effort in"
69. My first car was a VW I named Annabelle
70. I loathe Christmas shopping

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Indulging Myself

Before I get back to the serious business of completing the 100 things about me challenge, I want (need) to say a little about my friend who's sick.

It took a few days for the news to really sink in and when it hit, it did so like a tonne of bricks. At first all I could think was "oh God, what am I going to do without him?"

The second thing to flash through my mind was "fucking hell Mush, how selfish are you to think about yourself?"

So I sat and reflected ... and I decided it was ok to feel like that. I decided to allow myself a few days of self indulgence and self-pity. I cried so much I looked like I'd gone a few rounds with Rocky using my face as a punching bag.

Now I'm ok. Now I'm ready again to be there to support him in whatever way he needs me to be.

This won't be the last you hear about him. I want to tell you how we met and how special he is. I'm not quite ready yet though. I really want to do it justice so I'll wait till I feel I can.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

That's My Excuse ...

... and I'm sticking to it!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Me Part 2

26. I'm left handed
27. I swear in Dutch
28. I have crystals and sun catchers hanging from branches all over my garden
29. My favourite flowers are gerberas and tulips
30. I love baked cheesecake
31. Reading cook books relaxes me
32. I have blue eyes
33. I love diamonds
34. I got my ears pierced just to get more diamonds (you can't get real ones in clip-ons lol)
35. I smoke (yeah I know, tsk tsk @ me)
36. I'm shy (till I get to know you)
37. If I'm told I can't do something I will move heaven and earth to prove them wrong
38. I rebel against authority
39. I like Clinton and loathe Bush (should I hide now?) lol
40. Winter depresses me
41. I bite my bottom lip when I'm stressed/anxious/etc
42. I'm not a brand name snob - if I like something I don't care where it's from
43. My favourite colour is blue
44. I keep a lot bottled up but when I spill, I REALLY spill
45. I'm uncomfortable with strangers
46. I have an aversion to the phone
47. I found out last night one of my best friends is going to die
48. I'm gutted and this is keeping my mind off it (sort of)
49. I enjoy making graphics
50. I'm a girly girl but not a wuss

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Me Part 1

Because Muse is harrassing me :p

1. I'm a chocoholic
2. I don't like my food messed up on my plate (if I find a pea hidden under my meat it really annoys me)
3. Like Muse, I save the best for last
4. I adore my cat
5. I have an obssession with candles and have them in every room of the house (yes even the loo!)
6. I drink way too much coffee and diet coke
7. I've never had a one-night stand
8. There's not enough money in the universe to get me back into a chatroom
9. I hate those singles ads on late-night TV so much they almost cause an anaphalactic (sp?) fit
10. I'm loyal ... most times to a fault
11. Music (specially the lyrics) plays an important role in my life
12. Thinking of my favourite dog who died 5 years ago can still reduce me to a blubbering mess
13. I love (what I call) manbands
14. I still have all my Magic Faraway Tree books
15. I have strong political views although I don't think it's appropriate to voice them whenever I feel like it
16. Certain issues provoke the 'inner-activist' in me very easily
17. In a relationship, I never expect what I'm not prepared to give
18. I love wind chimes
19. I'm very proud of my kids (this one should be up the top)
20. I'm blonde but it went a shade darker during each pregnancy
21. I cannot stand injustice
22. I love reading
23. I gave up my dancing career to work in an office when I got married
24. I am a shocking sleeper
25. I've been sponsoring an Ethiopian girl for the past 6 years (she's 17 now and gorgeous) :)

Damn this is hard. It may be a while before you get Part 2 lol

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Thoughts

A few of the things going through my head at the moment ...

~ How do you tell the difference between pride and ego?

~ Why is it that I would feel I'm cheating and betraying a certain someone if I ever start a new relationship (or renew an old one)?

~ Time doesn't heal all wounds. Some turn into inoperable cancers.

~ Where's the freakin off-switch to my brain?

Thursday, July 14, 2005

snifflecoughouch

The glass in my throat has turned into a full blown chest and head cold so while I'll still be around reading, I doubt I'll be posting for a while.

Just so you know lol :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The way it is

I hope this isn't misinterpreted. What I'm about to post isn't done in a melodramatic, 'poor me sob sob' kinda way. I'm pretty matter of fact about it actually. It just explains a little about my 'inner core'.

I don't take relationships lightly. I definitely don't take love lightly. That's just the way I am. I've never been one to flit from person to person and when I love someone I don't want anyone else, even if that means being alone.

So here tis, Dido said it much better than I ever could ...

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still

I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

... and there's my anthem so to speak.

Now I think I'll go and park my ass on the couch with a hot lemon drink and some panadol. I woke up this morning feeling like I've swallowed glass and it's not getting any better.

Monday, July 11, 2005

A lot to say but ...

Too tired to say it.

I was thinking about doing a post about self-obsessed, shit stirring bloggers but I'm already annoyed and writing about it would annoy me even more at the moment. (No, it's not about anyone who visits here nor anyone you know).

I've also been thinking about commentors who think they know it all and reply negatively and/or rudely to other comments in someone else's blog. It's happened to me twice in the last two weeks now and while I would have no hesitation in responding to those types in my own space, I won't contribute to crap in someone else's so I close and walk away (which is really hard for me lol).

I've also been wondering if anyone has as many posts saved as drafts as I do lol. I'm constantly thinking 'will I or won't I'.

Anyway, it's a crappy Monday. The kids are back at school after being on hols for the last 2 weeks and I'm missing them. I'm one of those weirdos (so my friends say) who loves bumming around with them during school holidays.

That's all for now folks.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Happy Birthday Mancub

Today is also my kiddo's birthday. We've just done the pressie opening thing (inbetween writing the post below). Now I'm going to splash cold water on my face and make him brekkie (pancakes). This afternoon we're off to see Madagascar and tonight it's out for dinner to the restaurant of his choice.

Tis a bad day to feel worn out lol.
I'm tired today. Last night I stayed up way past my bedtime watching the live coverage of the London blasts.

Thinking about those responsible for these things fills me with pure hatred and when they spew their crap about acting in the name of Allah it makes me want to puke. All extremists make me wanna puke, no matter what race or religion.

Yesterday's events also took me back to when I was over there. I sat watching with sadness as familiar places appeared on the screen.

I flew to London only a week after 9/11. I wasn't too nervous, I calmed myself (and others) by saying "there's no better time to fly ... security now is going to be tighter than ever". It did hamper my sightseeing a tad though. I had to promise to stay away from certain places, not go up tall buildings, etc (no Eiffel Tower in Paris for me) but I used the tube a lot and always bussed it into London (I stayed in East Kensington, only a hop skip and jump into the centre of London).

Anyway enough reminiscing.

What are you going to target next, huh assholes? No matter what you do, you will not win and when your time comes Allah won't be as welcoming as you think. You will pay you filthy fuckers and I cannot wait for that day to come.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Blank

Sometimes I sit here staring at the blank white page for what seems like forever. I stare at the cursor blinking away, waiting patiently for a keystroke. Occasionally the screen goes out of focus and I find myself daydreaming or simply wondering what I'll end up saying. When I focus again I usually tell myself to simply close it and turn off the computer but then I type something, anything ... I don't know why.

Maybe subconsciously I'm reinforcing the fact that I exist. Maybe I'm just saying "I'm here". Maybe it's because this is usually the last place I come to before going offline to take care of the banal, day-to-day practicalities of life and I'm putting off ending the invisible connection to someone special and maybe it's none of those things ... I dunno.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Cryptic

Just when I think life can't get any more complicated, it does!

First things first though. The phone call ...

I decided to get 'the teenager's' dad to call. I can get too emotional/feisty when it's something I feel strongly about (specially when it comes to protecting my kids) whereas he is more like an emotionless zombie (plus I thought it was about time he pulled his finger out and shared the burden for a change).

Anyway it went ok, he got the point(s) across and she was very apologetic and promised it wouldn't happen again. Oh and just to clarify, nothing actually happened ... they just fell asleep watching tv.

Wanna know one thing that really amazes me though? My kiddo's attitude. When I said I was going to call it didn't phase her at all. It was no big deal and we actually laughed and joked about what was going to be said. At her age I think I would have been mortified in the same situation.

So that's that for now.

I've had second thoughts about the other post I was going to do that day. It's probably not a good idea to make the details public but I will say that what happened has made me feel a lot better. It's put a whistful little smile on my face and thawed some of the ice from my heart. :)

As for the new complications ... I can't put those details in public either (never know who's lurking lol). It shouldn't be a huge drama though. I just have to work out the best way to handle things. Ahhhhhh, decisions, decisions.

Oh and btw, how good did Pink Floyd sound at Live8! Just awesome!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Good News and Bad News

As I mentioned a while ago, I really hate being the parent of a teenager, specially a girl. I must admit though that I am one of the lucky ones. Her personality makes my job a lot easier than others have it.

She's very easy-going and hasn't an ounce of the dramaqueen mentality a lot of teens have. As a family, we've been through quite a lot over the past 5 years. It was rough on both the kids but because she was older and understood more, things hit her a lot harder ... but I am happy to say she has come through with flying colours (and much more 'intact' than I am) lol.

So what's the bad news? The Boyfriend!

I'm having a hard time dealing with the situation. Privately, I worry myself sick. Outwardly, I'm cool as a cucumber (most of the time).

We've always been good 'friends' but I've always known the right time to put my 'mum hat' on. In the past the balancing act was easy ... now it's not.

I'm lucky in that I still have a certain amount of control. She has accepted most of my rules regarding him but she also pushes the boundaries. We've had a lot of talks about things and she understands why I'm worried but I also trust her.

(One thing I was determined to instil in both the kids was to tell the truth at all times no matter how hard or scary it may be ... and they do that because they've seen first hand the pain lies cause).

Because he lives over an hour away occasionally he stays here on a Saturday night (watched like a hawk) and vice versa. I definitely wasn't comfortable with this at first (still not to be honest) so I rang his mother to discuss it and make sure they were going to be well supevised. She said she understood my concern, said if she had a girl (she has two boys) she'd feel exactly the same, etc etc .... she reassured me that my 'baby' would be well looked after and that she had laid down the law to 'T'. So reluctantly I agreed to this new arrangement.

Almost 10 months later I now feel betrayed. My baby informed me the other night that "Gayle said it's ok for me and T to sleep in the same room". WTF?????????

(I didn't put my mum hat on, I put my 'screaming banshee hat' on). No it bloody well isn't ok!!!!!!!!

Thank God I can trust my kiddo because I sure as hell can't trust THAT woman to care for her properly.

And now that I've calmed down enough, I will be making another phone call later today.

(I did have something else I wanted to say but I've rambled on about this a lot longer than I thought I would so *note to self* remember what I saw this morning).

Friday, July 01, 2005

Deep, Dark, Secret

I haven't mentioned this before but for the past few months I've slowly been becoming addicted to a tv show and what's worse is that it's a daytime tv show. Yes I know, I'm hanging my head in shame now.

Now that I've opened up to the www about it I guess I may as well go all the way and expose myself fully. This addiction of mine is Ready Steady Cook!

If you don't get it in your neck of the woods, basically it's two chefs going head to head to come up with a range of dishes which they have to cook in 20 minutes, from ingredients brought in by 2 contestants (who also act as their assistants) and at the end, the audience votes on which menu they like better.

Ok there's the rundown of the show but there is another small detail I'll now divulge. I am also IN LOVE with one of the chefs!

Not only do I think he's gorgeous but I also have a thing for men who cook AND a thing for (some) European accents AND a thing for furry faces.

Manu, you can put your dirty pots in my sink any day baby!!

And now I'm off to wash my hair and put my face on before I watch the show today. After all, you never know. What if he googles himself and reads this and falls madly in love with me and has to find me and meet me? Today even?
Wacha doin' way down here? ;)